THE END IS MISSING
THE END IS MISSING
A Shanti Om Budsman Office Story
(“Unholy Water” Division)
The office of Shanti Om Budsman was already loud before the morning bell rang — mostly because Hotty Asspack insisted on ringing it every ten minutes “to keep morale unstable.”
Today, though, something was off.
The End was missing.
And when The End goes missing, nobody knows where anything stops.
Scene 1 — Yu Mi & Yu Yo Investigate
Yu Mi: “Yu Yo… have you seen The End?”
Yu Yo: “Yu Mi, if I had seen The End, I’d be at home celebrating. I’ve been waiting for The End since last Tuesday.”
Yu Mi: “Well, The End’s desk is empty. Even the emergency bottle of Unholy Water is gone.”
Yu Yo: “That’s bad. Nobody touches The End’s stash. Not even Nobody Cares.”
A voice from the break room:
Nobody Cares: “I heard my name. I still don’t.”
Scene 2 — Why Knot Tries to Help
Why Knot wandered in wearing a tie shaped like a pretzel.
Why Knot: “If The End is missing, why not just start over?”
Beginning Again: “HEY. That’s my job.”
Why Knot: “Sorry, Beginning Again. I forgot you existed.”
Beginning Again: “Everyone does.”
Scene 3 — Jesus Bambino & Buddha Versus Debate
Jesus Bambino: “Brothers and sisters, calm down. The End will return when the End is ready.”
Buddha Versus: “Incorrect. The End is an illusion. Also, someone stole my lunch.”
Jesus Bambino: “Was it labeled?”
Buddha Versus: “Yes. It said ‘Buddha’s Enlightened Burrito.’”
Allah Object: “I object.”
Jesus Bambino: “To what?”
Allah Object: “Everything.”
Scene 4 — Krishna Fevers & Dead Again Panic
Krishna Fevers: “I’m burning up, man. I got the fevers. Without The End, how do we know when the day ends? How do we clock out?”
Dead Again: “I already clocked out. Twice.”
Hotty Asspack: “You can’t clock out twice.”
Dead Again: “Watch me.”
Scene 5 — Ghostface Killa’ Appears
Ghostface Killa’ slid in like a rumor.
Ghostface Killa’: “Yo. I checked the alley. The End ain’t there. Only a raccoon drinking Unholy Water straight from the jug.”
Yu Mi: “Did it show I.D.?”
Ghostface Killa’:
“It flashed a library card.”
Yu Yo: “Valid.”
Scene 6 — The Search Party
The entire crew gathered in the conference room, except The End.
Allah Object: “I object to this meeting.”
Nobody Cares: “Same.”
Beginning Again: “We should start over.”
Why Knot: “We already did.”
Jesus Bambino: “Let us pray.”
Buddha Versus: “Let us not.”
Krishna Fevers: “Let us hydrate.”
Hotty Asspack: “Let us ring the bell!”
Dead Again: “Let us die. Again.”
Ghostface Killa’: “Let us chill.”
Chaos. Pure chaos.
Final Scene — The End Arrives
Just when the room reached maximum absurdity, the door creaked open.
A shadow stepped in.
A familiar voice said:
The End: “Sorry I’m late. I was at the DMV renewing my I.D. They said my name was confusing.”
Everyone froze.Then, in perfect unholy harmony, the entire cast shouted:
"THE END!”
The End nodded.
The End: “Yep. That’s me."
To be continued...